School Ties: Journal Entry

October 20th, 2013

So it has been roughly two months since I started here at this new boarding school. The academics are great I guess, I like most of my classes. But that is not the issue, the problem is that I cannot seem to find a place in this school to fit in. Yes, there are girls that talk to me, but I can tell it is only becuase they feel bad for me, because I always end up sitting by myself. After a few weeks of contemplating what to do, I decided to try and conform to their way of living. This was difficult because most, if not all, the girls at this school come from wealthy families and think they are queens. I am not like that, but I was desperate, so I went along with the charade. My plan worked, but ended up back firing on me. My past had come once again and gotten in the way, history always seems to repeat itself. I have a reputation for self destructing and not only not being able to function, but for being in just an indescribable state of being shut down. I become incoherent for weeks at a time and just block out the world, I also skipped classes because I'm never able to make it through one in that mental state. When this happened, I lost it, I fell apart, and so did my fake facade. After everything kind of crashed and burned, I was ignored, the outcast again, but this time it was worse. I was looked down upon, but I wasn't there to make friends in the first place, I was there to finish high school and graduate, ending my four year term in what always has seemed like an academic prison to me. So there was no way I was going to let those girls run me out of the school. My roommate has always been nice to me, and after what had happened, she was the only one that was nice to me. Like me, she never really said much, but one day she started to talk, and she became my only friend at this school. My grandma checks up on me every so often when she has the time, she lives about 30 minutes from the school. On the weekends we have a little freedom and I always try to convince my grandma to take me in for a while. I haven't seen my family in what seems like a long time but has only been about two and a half months. I do miss my siblings, but not them annoying me. I miss my parents and my best friend. But what I miss the most is my dog Frankie sleeping at the foot of my bed and Louie (my other dog) waking me up. I miss my cat Phineas too and his funny faces. I miss the freedom of being able to drive anywhere I wanted, when I wanted, or so I'd like to think. I drive by my grandparent's on the weekend, but its more of a chauffering job. Plus, I always know I have to go back to school. Which seems like solitary confinement with all its rules and restrictions. It's going to be hard, I can see that, but I'm not going to give up, I going to change my own history this time.

Battle Royal: The Invisible Man

I think that the story will proceed with him going off to college. My hope is that he ends up a successful man, he deserves to be after what he has been through. Maybe his ideas about himself will change for the better while he is in college. He will fianlly see that he is who is he is. After he realized what he needs to to purge some of the horrible things that he lives with, he will be able to go onto bigger and better things. But there is also a side to this where saying, racism was such a problem then that he may no get to where he could have been. Meaning, without the racism and segregation of whites and African Americans, he may have been able to get to achieve more and be taken seriously by the whites that harass him. So there are two alternate ending to this story, but my hope is that it goes more towards happily ever after, even though it mostly likely will not be a fairy tale ending.

Frank Chin- Sections 25-31

I do agree with him when he says that the stereotypes of asians has become so far from the truth, this is true. When it is mentioned in a movie that asians have no identity and become americanized and therefore should not take offense to the racism that is sometimes conveyed. I do not agree with this, that is there culture and whether they decided to assimilate or not, that is still their culture and who they are. Asians have a right to be angry if someone is racist towards them. He also mentions people taking tales like mulan and making her more of a hero than in the original. This is good, its empowering to little girls. But, on the other hand, it is bad because then it gives this additional stereotype that chinese men treat women horribly. It was also one written in a magazine that Chinese American women prefer caucasians to Chinese American men. Why? Because they see chinese american men as having an identity crisis. The overall message that there are real chinese people and fake ones becuase they became americanized, is not. That is my take because people do differen things for different reasons but you can't change who you are, where you come from, or your culture. It all depends on whether or not you show those things or hide them to fit into society, especially when you are from a different country because everything is new.

When these 3 Stories Meet...

Since the people in the documentaries are all somewhat different it could go either way. The governor is proper and has to consider everything he does because of what he represents. The two doctors seem like normal people, though one is loud and the other is more reserved. So I think that the two doctors and the governor would get along great. Lela Lee, on the other hand, would not get along with the governor so well because she does not care what people think of her and her work. The doctor that is more of a class clown may be able to get along with her strong personality, the reserved doctor may not. They all would not be able to give a definative answer as to how asians should act in the world either. The governor does not flaunt his culture, but he shows who he is. He has to assimilate somewhat to get where he got. The doctors never really got comfortable living in America, they still have their culture, one more than the other. But all in all, they did try to comform to the ways of Americans at first. Lela Lee flaunts her culture and who she is and you can see that because that's what she built her work off of. So it really does depend on the personality of the person.

Dialogue Between Ni Kan and Jin

Jin: Is your name Ni Kan?

Ni Kan: Yes, why? Who are you?

Jin: My name is Jin. Is that your mother over there?

Ni Kan: Yes, why?

Jin: She told me and my mother that you are a fantastic piano player, I was told to talk to you while they finish their conversation.

Ni Kan: She did? I'm not a good piano player. She just likes to brag I guess.

Jin: Oh, did you just move here?

Ni Kan: No, did you?

Jin: Yes. I don't like school here.

Ni Kan: Why not?

Jin: Because they make fun of me and the teachers can't even get my name right.

Ni Kan: Oh, well my mom pushes me to do things I don't want to.

Jin: Like playing the piano?

Ni Kan: Yup, where are you from?

Jin: San Francisco. Where do you live?

Ni Kan: In chinatown. How do they make fun of you at school?

Jin: The teacher thought I was from China, and the other kids thought that I ate dogs.

Ni Kan: Wow, really?

Jin: Yup.

Ni Kan: I think our moms are calling us over.

Jin: Well then, lets go.